New Year, new neighbors

Happy New Year!

New year, new beginnings, people are all abuzz about their ridiculous resolutions that they will not keep, the gym is already packed with people trying to be active...good times, good times.

Some people near me have a new beginning for the new year. A family moved in to the formerly foreclosed home next door to me (not the condemned one across the street - that is still empty but people have been there working so the good times are just beginning)!

I'll be honest, I have mixed feelings about this. Frankly, I sort of got used to the quiet of an empty house. Second, before the people moved in I learned they were coming in on a land contract (let's be real, there are definite stereotypes about land contract people) and let's just say these folks are not my type (Meaning I would bet they are really in to NASCAR, Toby Keith and Natty Light.).

As they were moving in I saw many people of various ages coming and going so it was difficult to tell those who belonged and those who did not.

Eventually, I was in the backyard with Gracie and four 'tweens were hanging in the backyard next door. She scared them because, like me, she had grown accustomed to not having neighbors, so I ran toward the fence to assure them she is friendly. Anyway, a 'tween boy said, "Hi, I'm James. I live here. My dad's name is James too." Then he points to a girl about his age and says, "This is my Aunt Paris. My 13 year old Aunt. She's my AUNT."

Not wanting to react, as clearly he wanted me to, I said, "Hi, nice to meet you." He repeated, "Yeah, she's my Aunt Paris. She's 13."

Personally, I was more concerned about the fact that her name is Paris and she's not a Hilton or a Jackson, not the fact that she's the aunt of someone her age.

A few days later, I took a plate of cookies next door to welcome the family to the neighborhood. James and James (dad and son) answered the door.

Dad James just laughed when I said welcome and here's some cookies (no thank you, no nice to meet you, etc.). He looked at me and asked, "Do yo have kids?" I replied "No..." and was really distracted by his teeth that face about 6 different directions and then he said, "Oh, well, we have like six of them." I just stared at him. I wanted t ask him to further define "like six." I mean, is this an estimation or is he truly unsure of the number of children in his household? I just smiled, said Merry Christmas and went on my way. '

Since that day, James (the kid) thinks we're BFFs. He asked to walk Gracie (no). He asked to dog sit Gracie (hell no). He asked to shovel my sidewalk while I was shoveling it (I'm on it but thanks.). Then, his nameless "brother" (I'm thinking step - they look nothing alike and appear to be the same age) asked if he could shovel my clear driveway. I do appreciate the efforts to work to earn money - but I don't know these people. These 'tweens will grow in to teens and I don't want them thinking I keep tons of cash around to pay them for odd jobs; however, in the spirit of the holidays I did say that on the next big snow if they want I will write them a check to shovel for me.

It doesn't end here. Last night James (son) rang my doorbell in the middle of the night. I didn't answer because it scared the crap out of me and I didn't know it was him and had no plan to go and look to see who was there. 20 minutes later the doorbell rang AGAIN and this time I looked and it was him so I asked how I could help him. He looked at me and said, "Is Jen here?" I just stared at him. Hello, pal, who do you think this is, Jen's twin? Sure, I had some New Year's cocktails in my system and wasn't in makeup but I don't look THAT different. Anyway, I responded by saying, "I don't like my doorbell getting rung in the middle of the night." He responded, "I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year."

So, I'm a jerk. But really, don't ring my doorbell in the middle of the night. Don't you know what sort of jacked up neighborhood we live in?!? The local crack dealer could be at the door!

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled the likelihood of these people throwing wild parties or used condoms in my yard is minimal. Therefore, I'm thankful. Considering all of the nightmares that could have moved in there, I'll happily take Big James, Little James, Aunt Paris and the "like six" kids. However, I can't help but think one day I'm going to come home to find Little James peering in my window to see if I'm home. Or if I'm sleeping. I'm already a little creeped out.

P.S. Based upon my brief interaction with Big James and my distant sighting of "mom," I guesstimated these parents to be late (late late) 30s, early/mid 40s because they both look sort of, you know, weathered. Little James informed me mom and dad are 31 and 33, respectively. With six kids. Of course they are.