YOLO (Also known as the day I channeled Suzanne Sugarbaker)

Just another ordinary day around here: ran 11 miles, went out for breakfast, went to the shooting range, grocery shopped.

Nope, Kate Spade has not started making holsters, thereby propelling me in to the world of gun ownership, yet somehow today I found myself at a shooting range.

Three years ago this month I had a fleeting notion that I needed to be a gun owner after some of my neighbors were robbed. You may recall I had this clear vision of me coming down the stairs of my house in a Suzanne Sugarbaker kind of way at the sound of a potential intruder...with disastrous consequences of course. I never got that security system  many of you suggested I get (sorry!) but I never got a gun either (yay!). In fact, until today I remained a gun virgin.

Pop!

Long story short: A friend of mine is a Fox News Watching, Hannity listening, higher tax bracketing, gun owning Republican. It's no secret I am Hillary Clinton's number one fan so that pretty much sums up my political views ("Whatever Hilz Says" is my personal motto.). Anyway,this person cannot be in a room with me for three minutes without starting a political debate about everything from Michigan's bridge to Canada to taxes to the Affordable Care Act (what my friend calls "Obamacare") to, of course, gun control.

As a gun owner, he wants me and the other "Obama loving crazy liberals" who want to "take away his guns" to know that legal gun owners are "responsible" people, Americans have the right to bear arms and some other stuff that is processed in my brain as "blah blah blah." He insists I cannot be an informed anti-gun "hippie" since I've never actually been near a gun. I must begrudgingly admit he has a point.

Flash forward to today, when he invited me to accompany him to the shooting range so he can show how responsible legal gun owners behave. Because I was in need of blog material, and this did not involve shooting any actual living things,  I agreed to go on one condition: no engaging me in political debate at the shooting range and no "outing" me as a "hippie liberal" either. I had this feeling the people there would figure me out pretty quickly, sort of like the time I attended a Sarah Palin book signing.

So, let's see, I went along, hopped up on endorphins from an 11 mile run and a ton of coffee from the post run breakfast. Upon arrival I was mocked for asking if the gun would have a "kick back" (I heard that on TV once) or if there would be any chance of me accidentally shooting myself.

This whole shooting thing is a lot of work. You have to carry your locked gun separately from your ammo. You have to take and pass a quiz (!!) after you fill out a questionnaire. You have to turn over your driver's license while you are in the range (I found great comfort in this for some odd reason - I guess it is my liberal love of "big government" playing "Big Brother."). You can only have one person in the shooting booth at a time. You must wear protective gear over your eyes and ears. Then you have to load the gun, make sure the safety is on, fire the gun, put the safety back on, put new targets on the target thingy, blah blah blah. Seriously, this is a lot of effort to do something I could basically do playing a video game. I could have been eating fro-yo at my favorite fro-yo joint or spending money at Nordstrom Rack. You know, productive things.

Finally after all the mocking, quizzing and rule following it was my turn in the booth. Thankfully, I did not shoot myself or anyone else and with a little guidance managed to actually hit the target. Frankly, I was over the whole thing pretty quickly. I could have borrowed an X-Box to do this without having to take a quiz or surrender my driver's license. Just saying.

There were some normal looking people there, but, I have to say....I think I spotted some of my "friends" from that book signing milling around the retail side with their children. Yes, children. And I mean TODDLERS. It looked like several families were making their Saturday outing to the gun store/shooting range. Of course, there were no children in the shooting area, but still, I found it a bit disconcerting. But then again, I'm a "crazy liberal" so that's probably normal.

So, yes, this crazy hippie lover of Big Brother shot a gun but I certainly have no intention of owning one. Those things are expensive. Do you know how many new Kate Spade purses I could buy with that money? Not to mention, she still doesn't make a holster and I doubt she ever will so I think I'm in the clear. I know Joe Biden recently told a woman to get a "double barrel shot gun"  to protect her family or something to that effect but, let's face it, I don't really like that guy anyway. I won't be taking advice from the VP any time soon.

Because I'm neither hip nor cool anymore (seriously, what the hell is the "Harlem Shake?" Is it some sort of virus or dance?), I'll put it this way: I got invited to the shooting range and thought, "YOLO." Yes, I'm aware no one says that anymore. I'm aware that by the time I Googled (people still Google, right?) "YOLO" to learn what it means it had become passe. I also realize most people who used this expression were under the age of 18.

Anyway, after this adventure I must admit I feel like my moral compass is bit off  (I also bought gas from BP today, something I said I would never do because, you know, us liberals love the environment.) but YOLO.

Gerri (my old lady gun toting neighborhood watch friend) would be so proud of me.