Tonight Betty Ford passed away at the age of 93. I live in the hometown of Betty and Gerald Ford and despite a shooting rampage that took place here yesterday, things are normally pretty quiet. That being said, our fair city is already caught up in Betty Ford fever.
Clearly plans were in place for Mrs. Ford's passing because shortly after I learned she had died, an announcement was made that the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Museum would be open 24/7 beginning immediately so the community could come and pay their respects to Mrs. Ford and sign a condolence book for the family.
Since I had to pass the museum on my way home from another wine-filled Friday night with Wiggy, I decided to stop and sign the book.
A crowd had gathered and let me say, and I am not trying to be an ass, I was the only normal people there. Our local ABC affiliate was interviewing a woman and her two sons who looked like they could be inbred; there were three guys in front of me with droopy pants, backwards hats and gold chains - totally looked like K-Fed circa when Britney was relevant; a woman with black stringy hair and too short shorts asking the security guy, "Where's that Gerald guy buried?"; and a family of three that were all dressed in matching black and white outfits. The kicker? All of these people were taking photos! Pictures of the condolence book and pictures of one another signing the book. Really? Is this where we've come as a society - like if we don't photograph it then it didn't happen?
Don't get me wrong, I take a lot of photos. I love documenting fun times with my friends, my pets, random things...but, there's a time and a place for everything and I feel as though that was not the time and place.
And the worst part of it is, our local NBC affiliate had a camera set up to capture all of the people signing the book in "real time" so all of these shenanigans were being caught on film. Also quite possible...a certain girl in black and white dress scowling at these ridiculous people - oops!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
To quote Kathy Griffin....
Once again I've lowered myself to joining Match.com. The last go-round was a disaster and this one is proving to be the same. The only men interested in meeting me are: a) over 40 b) make less than $25,000 per year and work in food service ("Would you like to SuperSize that?") c) have a million children d) live at least 200 miles away e) all of the above. Meaning "e" my potential suitors are all of these, not just one each. I'm cancelling my membership - this is such a waste of my time!
My friend, we'll call her Jane, has had a much worse experience and should be the one cancelling her membership. Like me, Jane is well educated, is smart, career-driven, owns a dog and not originally from this area. Unlike me, Jane is super tall, thin and presumably makes big bucks at her super cool job. We met tonight for drinks to lament over the true fail that is Match.com.
Two days ago she was contacted by "Romanticmom34." The message was:
Hello. I believe my boyfriend is on here and his username is wingman2010. If you have received an email from him please let me know. If you can forward the email if he had contacted you to me.Thanks. Please do not say anything in regards to this. I need proof. Then he can be busted. Thanks.
Jane did not respond, hoping to avoid getting dragged in to some sort of backwoods, hillbilly (these people are from the sticks) brawl. And yes, "wingman2010" did contact her. However, since he has no education and probably no job she did not respond.
Today it got even better though....a guy contacted her with the message that he's not a "creeper but..." and proceeded to tell her he would love to give her some "oral" pleasure. For real. Hello, creeper, this isn't Yahoo! personals!
Seriously? Gross.
What is it? Why is it that men who have crappy jobs, live in the basements of their parents/friends/siblings and have zero personality can find great women (women who are, in fact, probably way too good to date them!) but women with great jobs, great homes and great personalities cannot find decent matches intellectually and educationally speaking? I just don't get it. Why are there so many great single women but no great single men over 30? I believe this is a line from an episode of "Sex and the City" but hello, it's my favorite TV show for a reason, that quote is dead on! Where are the great single men over 30? Oh, that's right...they're married! Or dead.
So, in the words of Kathy Griffin, I've said it before and I'll say it again....Match.com can "suck it." Wait, better not say that out loud...I bet if I put that on my profile Mr. Oral would come knocking at my door for sure.
My friend, we'll call her Jane, has had a much worse experience and should be the one cancelling her membership. Like me, Jane is well educated, is smart, career-driven, owns a dog and not originally from this area. Unlike me, Jane is super tall, thin and presumably makes big bucks at her super cool job. We met tonight for drinks to lament over the true fail that is Match.com.
Two days ago she was contacted by "Romanticmom34." The message was:
Hello. I believe my boyfriend is on here and his username is wingman2010. If you have received an email from him please let me know. If you can forward the email if he had contacted you to me.Thanks. Please do not say anything in regards to this. I need proof. Then he can be busted. Thanks.
Jane did not respond, hoping to avoid getting dragged in to some sort of backwoods, hillbilly (these people are from the sticks) brawl. And yes, "wingman2010" did contact her. However, since he has no education and probably no job she did not respond.
Today it got even better though....a guy contacted her with the message that he's not a "creeper but..." and proceeded to tell her he would love to give her some "oral" pleasure. For real. Hello, creeper, this isn't Yahoo! personals!
Seriously? Gross.
What is it? Why is it that men who have crappy jobs, live in the basements of their parents/friends/siblings and have zero personality can find great women (women who are, in fact, probably way too good to date them!) but women with great jobs, great homes and great personalities cannot find decent matches intellectually and educationally speaking? I just don't get it. Why are there so many great single women but no great single men over 30? I believe this is a line from an episode of "Sex and the City" but hello, it's my favorite TV show for a reason, that quote is dead on! Where are the great single men over 30? Oh, that's right...they're married! Or dead.
So, in the words of Kathy Griffin, I've said it before and I'll say it again....Match.com can "suck it." Wait, better not say that out loud...I bet if I put that on my profile Mr. Oral would come knocking at my door for sure.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Why camping is the most ridiculous idea of a "vacation." EVER.
Apparently I'm just full of rage these days. Blame it on the fact that I haven't taken a full week off work in over two years.
It's 4th of July weekend and I just escaped a major traffic jam - thankfully I was going against the traffic - because, unlike all those crazy people going "Up North" (it's a Michigan thing) I was heading back into the 'hood.
People primarily go "Up North" to do something I simply don't understand. Something so vile sounding I don't know why any rational person would do this. Yes, they go "Up North" to go camping.
Shudder.
The idea of camping makes me want to wretch.
Seriously, think about it. People go on camping vacations, right? They pack up all kinds of crap including a tent, sleeping bags, food, camping stoves (really?) and who knows what else....load down the car so it is heavier and therefore burns more gas....drive for countless hours to, in most cases, pay for a place to dump all their crap. Once said crap is dumped, they're forced to crap in community bathrooms (if they're lucky), cook their own meals and clean up after themselves and then sleep in tents....in the summer...with no air conditioning. Oh, and bears and skunks may attack the campers in their sleep.
How the hell is this appealing?
Seriously! I was giving a friend who is one of the thousands of "campers" in Michigan this weekend a hard time about all the money she has spent on camping equipment. Her response was the equipment will provide a "lifetime of fun." My response? Air conditioning and a roof over my head are priceless.
And to expound on this...think about it...when I go on vacation I stay in a hotel where I have air conditioning, cable, a comfortable bed, indoor plumbing that I don't have to share with strangers and I don't have to clean up after myself - a maid does that! Then, when I want to eat, I visit a cool restaurant. Maybe some Thai, maybe some pizza, maybe some sushi. You know what campers call sushi? Bait. And, I'm sorry, I don't believe you can get a good martini camping - that's a lot of extra equipment to pack.
Michigan is going to be hot, humid and rainy this 4th of July weekend so, camper people, good luck. Wiggy called me this week to declare "I am not a wilderness girl!" and, of course, neither am I so we'll spend this weekend enjoying shopping, sushi and strong martinis! Cheers to Independence Day!
It's 4th of July weekend and I just escaped a major traffic jam - thankfully I was going against the traffic - because, unlike all those crazy people going "Up North" (it's a Michigan thing) I was heading back into the 'hood.
People primarily go "Up North" to do something I simply don't understand. Something so vile sounding I don't know why any rational person would do this. Yes, they go "Up North" to go camping.
Shudder.
The idea of camping makes me want to wretch.
Seriously, think about it. People go on camping vacations, right? They pack up all kinds of crap including a tent, sleeping bags, food, camping stoves (really?) and who knows what else....load down the car so it is heavier and therefore burns more gas....drive for countless hours to, in most cases, pay for a place to dump all their crap. Once said crap is dumped, they're forced to crap in community bathrooms (if they're lucky), cook their own meals and clean up after themselves and then sleep in tents....in the summer...with no air conditioning. Oh, and bears and skunks may attack the campers in their sleep.
How the hell is this appealing?
Seriously! I was giving a friend who is one of the thousands of "campers" in Michigan this weekend a hard time about all the money she has spent on camping equipment. Her response was the equipment will provide a "lifetime of fun." My response? Air conditioning and a roof over my head are priceless.
And to expound on this...think about it...when I go on vacation I stay in a hotel where I have air conditioning, cable, a comfortable bed, indoor plumbing that I don't have to share with strangers and I don't have to clean up after myself - a maid does that! Then, when I want to eat, I visit a cool restaurant. Maybe some Thai, maybe some pizza, maybe some sushi. You know what campers call sushi? Bait. And, I'm sorry, I don't believe you can get a good martini camping - that's a lot of extra equipment to pack.
Michigan is going to be hot, humid and rainy this 4th of July weekend so, camper people, good luck. Wiggy called me this week to declare "I am not a wilderness girl!" and, of course, neither am I so we'll spend this weekend enjoying shopping, sushi and strong martinis! Cheers to Independence Day!
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