Once again I've lowered myself to joining Match.com. The last go-round was a disaster and this one is proving to be the same. The only men interested in meeting me are: a) over 40 b) make less than $25,000 per year and work in food service ("Would you like to SuperSize that?") c) have a million children d) live at least 200 miles away e) all of the above. Meaning "e" my potential suitors are all of these, not just one each. I'm cancelling my membership - this is such a waste of my time!
My friend, we'll call her Jane, has had a much worse experience and should be the one cancelling her membership. Like me, Jane is well educated, is smart, career-driven, owns a dog and not originally from this area. Unlike me, Jane is super tall, thin and presumably makes big bucks at her super cool job. We met tonight for drinks to lament over the true fail that is Match.com.
Two days ago she was contacted by "Romanticmom34." The message was:
Hello. I believe my boyfriend is on here and his username is wingman2010. If you have received an email from him please let me know. If you can forward the email if he had contacted you to me.Thanks. Please do not say anything in regards to this. I need proof. Then he can be busted. Thanks.
Jane did not respond, hoping to avoid getting dragged in to some sort of backwoods, hillbilly (these people are from the sticks) brawl. And yes, "wingman2010" did contact her. However, since he has no education and probably no job she did not respond.
Today it got even better though....a guy contacted her with the message that he's not a "creeper but..." and proceeded to tell her he would love to give her some "oral" pleasure. For real. Hello, creeper, this isn't Yahoo! personals!
Seriously? Gross.
What is it? Why is it that men who have crappy jobs, live in the basements of their parents/friends/siblings and have zero personality can find great women (women who are, in fact, probably way too good to date them!) but women with great jobs, great homes and great personalities cannot find decent matches intellectually and educationally speaking? I just don't get it. Why are there so many great single women but no great single men over 30? I believe this is a line from an episode of "Sex and the City" but hello, it's my favorite TV show for a reason, that quote is dead on! Where are the great single men over 30? Oh, that's right...they're married! Or dead.
So, in the words of Kathy Griffin, I've said it before and I'll say it again....Match.com can "suck it." Wait, better not say that out loud...I bet if I put that on my profile Mr. Oral would come knocking at my door for sure.
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I'm almost in tears laughing so hard.....I feel as if I could have wrote this :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading! It got better today! I need to write a post-script. Some guy who "winked" at me tracked me down and emailed me at my WORK email address today. His email was totally creepy. Online dating is pure torture.
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