Three nights in my own bed in two and a half weeks...

My friends know I love to travel so I am not going to complain too much about the excessive amount of  traveling I’ve been doing. Right now I am in Atlanta, a city where I lived briefly after college. I truly belong here with all the people who freak out about driving in snow. I think the Michiganders who speed around me when I drive like a  granny in the snow would agree. Anyway, I am sitting here with my fantastic view of the Bank of America (i.e. my favorite building in the ATL), there is no snow falling or on the ground, I just drank some Sweetwater 420 (fave beer you can’t get that north of GA) and had dinner with one of my all time favorite people - so things are good. Getting back to my point, it was another travel day from hell.

I decided that my version of Dante’s circles of hell are:

1) Sitting in an airport with your flight continuously getting delayed while in a different time zone, nowhere comfortable to nap and all stores closed b/c it is the middle of the night (LAX last weekend).

2) Driving in snow (shocking, I know) where visibility is zero, you keep sliding if you go over ten miles per hour while everyone is passing you and you have to drive with your flashers on b/c you are afraid of rolling off the road and dying and there is no end in sight (Indy to GR trip Sunday - still a little keyed up from that one).

3) Sitting on an airplane with no way to escape (connecting flight to DTW today; flight from GRR to ORD to try to get to LAX last weekend).

So today I missed my connecting flight because the Detroit airport just couldn’t get a jetbridge to the plane. We were all stuck on the plane waiting for a jetbridge for over 20 minutes. My connection was a Delta/Northwest Airlines codeshare flight. I am not even going to get in to the details of my hour long back and forth runs between various NWA and Delta ticket counters but let me say this...it pushed me over the edge today.

Enough venting...time to get back to gazing out the window from the 33rd floor of the Marriott - taking in the fantastic night time view of one of my favorite cities!

O'Hare's revenge

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The powers that be must read my blog. In 2007 I declared Chicago O'Hare the worst airport in America and I stand by that declaration.

This weekend they proved me right.

Due to snow in Chicago, I sat in a plane on the ground in Grand Rapids for four hours. Four hours on a plane with three seats across and three poor children under three on board.We never went back to the gate - we just sat and sat and sat while Chicago tried to deal with snow. Hmmm...that is like saying Seattle is on a ground stop because of rain...or LA because of sunshine. Ridiculous.

As a result, I missed my first connection, then missed my second connection after another hour. Finally, after a mad dash from the G gates to the K gates I made it on my third flight to LA. After a work filled and fun filled two and a half days, I prepared for the dreaded red eye flight home. I know the red eye results in me feeling like I drank a fifth of cheap gin the night before, but, work is busy so I have to do what I have to do.

Unfortunately, my flight to O'Hare was cancelled (weather), I was rebooked to an 11:55 p,m. flight that was delayed (due to Chicago weather) and finally departed LA at 2 a.m. Pacific Time. That is 5 a.m. Eastern Time! And I had to be in Michigan at work for a 12:30 meeting. I rolled in just as the meeting started and this wasn't just any old meeting, it was with upper management at work. I looked like hell and felt like hell.

Ironically, during this entire time LA was under a winter storm watch and rain was constantly pouring from the sky. Did a little rain slow down LAX? No. What is with Chicago? Listen O'Hare people, I beg you, get your act together! I have to fly through you too much to be delayed every time I have to fly through your stupid airport! Now, off to sleep!

High roller

Who doesn't love Las Vegas? Bright lights, beautiful people, fake Elvis's (or is it Elvi?), Chippendale dancers...where was I going with this? I just returned from a fun filled four days in Sin City where I slept an average of four hours per night. It was a combination of late nights and my inability to adjust to Pacific Time.

I am pleased to say I won big in Vegas! OK, big is probably a "big" exaggeration.

 I learned how to play Black Jack, a very addicting game at least to me and won....are you ready???.......20.........dollars. Ha, ha! Those of you who know me well know I love to spend money on trips, purses, shoes, iTunes, etc. (hence the "broke" in the title of my blog) but at the casino....not so much.

However, I was willing to take a small risk and play some $10 Black Jack. After winning two rounds I was out - I figured it is best to quit while ahead. I may end up in AA someday but I am pretty damn sure I will never end up in Gambler's Anonymous! Speaking of "Gamblers", my favorite gambler, Kenny Rogers, also brought me luck. I was killing time in "Paris" and Kenny's "The Gambler" one cent slot machine (yes, one penny) brought me $10.36. In Vegas, that is nothing but for the $1 I put in the machine it was a great ROI so I cashed out.

Viva Las Vegas!

Worst airport in America?

On the road again!

You all know I love to travel and do it a lot. In an "orange alert" world we all have travel trauma, usually due to the airlines or overzealous TSA screeners.

Now, I have been through most of the major US airports since 2001 including LaGuardia, LAX, Atlanta (more times than I can count), Miami, Dallas/Fort Worth, Houston, New Orleans, Tampa, Charlotte, Raleigh Durham, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Memphis, Las Vegas, Detroit, Indy, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Reagan, Dulles, Baltimore....ok, you get the picture.

Basically, if it is a hub for any major airline I have been there. Many have their drawbacks...Memphis is like a cave. Detroit, despite major renovations, still just plain sucks. Doing the one mile dash from one end of the terminal to the other is horrible and the tram that only goes HALF WAY across helps no one. St. Louis - well, I hate Missouri and that airport is the devil. Minneapolis - good luck making a tight connection from a regional jet to a "real" plane there - it just won't happen. Last time I had 10 minutes to make a 3 mile hike through the airport. Security at Reagan - well, since it is so close to everything in DC be prepared to give a DNA sample.

Yes, my friends, all these airports suck in one way or another. Though, I do love the mall in the Pittsburgh airport and I think considering Atlanta is the world's busiest airport it is very well run (and it has a Moe's now in the C Concourse). However, after traveling to Chicago O'Hare twice in the last two weeks, I have drawn the conclusion it is, indeed, the worst airport in America.

When I was a Chapter Consultant (aka Professional Sorority Girl), O'Hare was the only place I ever missed a connection when traveling to exciting places like Muncie, Ind. and Dubuqe, Iowa. However, the last two weeks proved O'Hare is more than a connector's nightmare. I could rant and rave on about why but let me just give a summary:

Basically, the signage is awful. Expect the signs to "ground transportation" to lead to nowehere. When you finally do find the airport shuttles good luck figuring out what lane you have to wait in. I ended up having to walk to the airport hotel in the rain to get a shuttle to another hotel because I couldn't find the terminal pickup! Shuttles just kept flying by me, spraying stagnant rain water on me and my luggage.

Don't ask for directions because the airport employees won't help you. If you are trying to take a cab in a normal airport, say LaGuardia, there is a little man at the cab stand helping you. O'Hare has the cab stand but no little man. So, if you need a cab who will take a credit card or drive you to the suburbs you are screwed. There are no arrival/departure boards anywhere until you pass security. So, if you check in online and don't get a gate assignment, you're screwed. Real people have been replaced with machines so there is no one to ask. And, if you find someone they will tell you to re-check in at a machine. So, if you don't do this you run a major risk of going through the wrong security line for the terminal you are trying to get to! Security is a nightmare. Expect to wait at least an hour and to get YELLED at by the TSA screeners for no reason. Expect them to treat you poorly because they hate their jobs.

So, just a warning for those of you traveling to or through O'Hare any time soon.

Coast to coast travel trauma

First, let me say even though I was on the West Coast for three short days my body is still on West Coast time - hence the reason I am wide awake on a Sunday at 11:54 EDT!

Today was such a crazy travel day. I made a trip to UCLA for Phi Mu - I know, I am crazy. Anyway, it all started with a message yesterday that my flight out of LA was cancelled. After several calls to Northwest I was able to be re-routed out of Santa Ana through the ATL to GR on Delta. This required a change in my housing arrangements Saturday night and a late night drop off of my car at LAX Saturday night since I would not be flying out of there. By midnight last night (this AM?) my car was returned and I was getting ready to go to sleep in my temporary housing. The person I was staying with had a roommate that came home wasted and was throwing up so that was a definite throw back to my professional sorority girl days! So, I didn't sleep so well. I gave myself an hour and a half for the aiport since it was described to me as "sleepy" in compairison to LAX.

Sleepy my ass! Every family visiting Disneyland this weekend flew out of Orange County this morning and it took forever to get to the check in line.

When it was finally my turn at the self-check in kiosk I was told I did not have a reservation. My ride had dropped me off - I needed to get on a plane! Thankfully, I was able to score a seat. It was a middle seat and I was less than thrilled but was simply happy to be on my way home. This whole process took about a half an hour. As I proceeded to the mile long secruity line I noticed "SSSS" on my boarding pass.

Uh-oh.

Any regular traveler knows that is no good. Yes, my friends, since I was flying one way (it did not matter that my flight was CANCELLED and I had NO OTHER OPTIONS) I suddenly became a suspicious person and was selected for special screening. Well, they didn't say that but any time I have flown one way post 9/11 it has been an ordeal. Today was no exception.

After standing in line for about 20 minutes (did I say I gave myself and hour and a half for the whole process?) I got to the point where they checked my boarding pass and ID and sure enough, I get moved to the "special screening" line where I have to put all my personal contents in red bins (as opposed to the normal gray ones). I stood there for about 20 minutes waiting on a "female assist" - at this point, I am getting pissed. I know my flight is about to board. Finally, I get escorted to the speical screening area like my name is Jen Bin Laden and get felt up, pat down and have all my personal items scrutinized and finally, it is determined I am not a threat and I am permitted to head to my gate. I travel a lot so this shouldn't phase me but I was extremely annoyed today. On the four hour flight to Atlanta I was pretty much comatose. I mean, when you are in the middle you can't move, you have no arm rest since the other two people usually take them, you just have to sort of sit there so that is what I did. However, I am happy to report I am finally home and happy to sleep in my bed before taking off for a three day work trip this week!

"Crazy Mary" fare you well

Some bad news to report. It appears Crazy Mary moved out this weekend. It has been strangely quiet and I have been wondering what has been going on. On Saturday I saw her moving boxes out of her apartment with the help of someone who appeared to be normal. She didn't have many belongings so it happened quickly. How long does it take to "pack" a couple of Care Bears, plastic lawn chairs and a Sharpie? Perhaps she is finally going off to Pine Rest where she belongs. Pine Rest, for those of you not from the area, is the local loony bin.


Crazy Mary's new next door neighbors may have been what drove her out. Living next door to Crazy Mary (and directly below me) is a female couple with a baby. At least that is what I have been able to figure out from the comings and goings since they appeared a week or so ago. These two "women" fight like you wouldn't believe...I use the term loosely because they look like they are both about 20. One of them has the highest pitch scream I have ever heard and yells all the time at the other one. The child clearly takes after one of her mommies as she is actually screaming outside their front door right now. Anyway, so much for my landlord telling me we are all young urban professionals in the building! These chicks look like they barely got their GEDs and work third shift at Super Wal-Mart.

"Crazy Mary's" dinner order

"I WANT A TUNA SANDWICH!!!" "HELL-OOOOO I WANT A TUNA FISH SAAAANDWIIIIIICHHHHH!!!!!!" \

Apparently Crazy Mary wanted a tuna fish sandwhich tonight for dinner. I assume she was on the phone with Jimmy John's which is a hop, skip and a jump away.

Crazy Mary stood outside yelling her order in to the phone and holding the phone like it was a microphone. She had the listening end of the phone pointing out in the air so she had no way of being able to know if Jimmy John's was listening. I don't know if her sandwich ever arrived....there have been no crazy outbursts so I am assuming she tracked down a sandwich one way or another.