Try to catch me ridin' dirty

'Hood rats, beware! There's a new sheriff in town (well, sort of) and her name? J-E-N.

You've got that, betches, I've joined the neighborhood Mobile Watch Patrol.

I'm already a little overzealous about this and my friend Rachael already warned me that this does not give me carte blanche to become some sort of neighborhood vigilante. We'll see about that....

I have a feeling I'll be the youngest volunteer on Mobile Watch Patrol. When Gerri pulled up in her Buick to drop off the information I took note of her tight perm and cardigan sweater and quickly realized I could be her granddaughter. That's cool though - I can hang with the old folks. It's all about stopping crime!

In my orientation materials I reviewed some information on "conditions, persons, and vehicles that may indicate criminal activity" and must share some highlights:

• A license plate held on with wires, a covered license plate or a missing license plate. Tricky, tricky, that wire thing!
• Dirty car, clean plates or vice versa. Hmmm...these old folks patrol from midnight to 3 a.m. so my question is can they even see well enough to notice this?
• Vehicles the drop one or more people off and either stay or cruise the area. Oh, duh, this happens with the house I suspect is a drug house across the street from me all day, every day, round the clock!
• Persons running, particularly late at night. I assume these are persons not dressed in appropriate running attire - you know, sweat band, GPS watch, etc.
• Persons not dressed right for the existing weather conditions. Now, if this is a crime, jails should be full. I always see morons wearing shorts when it is 50 degrees out. It really should be illegal - that's just tacky.

The coolest thing about the Mobile Watch Patrol? They ride around with spotlights and police scanners! Now they can't shine the spotlight inside of homes but still, that's pretty cool. They also report incidences in military time (how hard core is that?!?) and they use what I would guess are police lingo abbreviations. For example, ATT - attempt and MDOP - malicious destruction of property.

So much to learn - military time, police abbreviations, how to properly operate the spotlight and what to talk to a bunch of old folks about while cruising the crime infested streets in the wee hours of the night (for example, I don't think my Lady Gaga or Carrie Bradshaw references will fly).....

My first ride is the first weekend in June. I can't wait to share a full report of who and what I bust!