To Kate or not to Kate? I can't believe it was even a question.

Those who know me best know I have a slight obsession with all things Kate Spade.

I own many Kate Spade items, including but not limited to: flip flops, sunglasses (3 pairs), wallets (two), business card holders, pencil cases, calendars (past and present), jewelry, stemware (Larabee Dot - LOVE IT), fine China and, of course, handbags. Lots and lots of handbags.

I am not talking that cheap crap from Chinatown. Give me some credit - I can spot a fake Kate a mile away.

There was an incident at Marshall Fields a few years ago that best highlights how I truly feel about Kate Spade handbags.

I was there with a friend, way across from the handbag section in the fragrance section when my Kate Spade radar picked up on something new. I spotted IT! IT was at least 30 feet away but, I zoomed in as though I was looking through binoculars. A bag I had been drooling over on her web site was sitting there - - live and in person at my local Marshall Fields. I shouted "There it is!" (For real. Out loud. To no one and everyone around me, I guess) and darted across the store, leaving my friend in the dust. I was a woman possessed. By the time my friend made her way to the handbag department like a not deranged person, I had already snatched the bag off the shelf, proceeded to the checkout counter and was signing the charge slip ("Yes, I WILL be putting this on my Marshall Fields charge, thank you!").

Ah, those were the days.

I recently found myself at Nordstrom, in search of the perfect suit to meet the Governor of Michigan for a work thing earlier this week.

Because of my love obsession with Kate Spade purses I just had to stop by the handbag department while in the store.

Why does an alcoholic go to the bar? Is it a test of will? Self-torture? To get to the other side? All of the above?

On the sale table I spotted a beautiful red tote from Kate's Gramercy Park collection. Did I ever mention red is my favorite color? I picked it up, positioned it lovingly on my arm and ran to the mirror to admire how cute I looked. Then I got that rush that only a new Kate Spade bag on my arm (or new KS sunglasses on my face) can give me. It's amazing how a handbag can make me feel like a million dollars! Then I looked at the price tag. It wasn't a million dollars, but it might as well have been. It was on clearance....clearance price - a bargain $225.

The old me would have charged it and forgotten about it. A year later I would bitch about the balance on my credit card and wonder what the hell I had spent my money on. The new me is still paying for Kate Spade bags of shopping trips past charged to my American Express.

As new me admired the red Gramercy Park tote, I remembered how I nearly cried when my December heat bill arrived earlier that week and how it was about the price of said handbag...I realized I cannot afford this purchase because hell, I can barely afford the outrageous heat bill.

I sat the beautiful tote back on the sale table and got a little choked up.  I slowly walked away fighting back the tears....sad that the Gramercy Park tote and I had crossed paths but that our time together was fleeting.

I am sure said tote will go to a good home. It's all for the best, I guess. She probably belongs with someone who can afford to pay for her AND their heat bill...or someone who doesn't mind paying her off for years to come thanks to their friends at Visa, CitiCards, AmEx, etc.

 P.S. My two year old Gramercy Park Stevie bag looked fabulous with my new pink and black suit, making me feel like a million bucks at the event with the Gov. A tote would not have been a good choice for such an event and the red totally would have clashed anyway. What's the point of a new expensive purse if you can't show it off, right?