Run, Jen, run!

Let me start by saying my blog is not going to turn in to something dedicated to my quest for improved physical fitness or anything, ok? You want to read an excellent story about a pleasantly plump fashionable former sorority girl named Jen chronicling her attempt at weight loss? Someone already told that story and it's a million times funnier than anything I could write...so go and buy Jen Lancaster's "Such a Pretty Fat."

However, when I Tweeted that I was out jogging some people were surprised so I feel the need to explain. In a nutshell:  yes - I am "running" (I use that term loosely) the Fifth Third River Bank 5K in May;  yes - I hate "running"; yes - it did take me over 15 minutes to "run" a mile in high school gym class; yes - when I was in the best shape of my life as an adult I did run twice a day even though I hated it; so yes - I do think I can do this...even if I am the last person to finish the freaking run.

In my efforts to someday run 3.1 miles all in one day, preferably in like less than an hour, I need to start getting out there and running. Living in Michigan, outdoor running in February is a challenge. However, we had some gorgeous days last week so I took full advantage. Well, I tried.

My number one winter time pet peeve as an urban dweller? Neighbors who cannot get off their fat asses and shovel their sidewalks. Every time I try to walk the dog or "run" this is an issue and I just don't get it. Where I live the kids walk to school; plenty of neighbors take public transportation and need to walk to bus stops in the neighborhood; the mailman delivers the mail on foot, etc. So, it's just the "neighborly" thing to do. I know I sure as hell don't want someone suing me because they slipped on a sidewalk I was too lazy to shovel.

Many times this winter I've muttered to myself about lazy people as the dog and I tried to navigate ruddy, icy, snow packed sidewalks. However, this weekend I took it to a whole new level.

On Saturday the shining sun melted most of the snow on the pavement....with the exception of places where they pavement has not been shoveled ALL WINTER. Sadly, on my one mile "run" I encountered this every other block.

At about the half mile, I lost it.

For the last half mile of my "run," this is what I would yell as I came upon offending sidewalks: "Get off your lazy asses and shovel your f**king sidewalk!!!!"

So yeah, there I was....big old girl with her blazing red UGA zip up hoodie, face blazing red from exertion and anger, yelling like a crazy woman all throughout my neighborhood. Not sure what came over me.

Here's the deal, I am a really selfish person. I tend to put my needs before the needs of anyone else. (I mean, clearly, if you've read any of my previous blog entries you totally get that). And I'll admit, I am probably so anal retentive about shoveling my sidewalk (and driveway for that matter) because of aesthetics (I don't want people to think I am white trash), not because I am concerned about the people walking on it.

My city has an ordinance on the books that residents must shovel if three or more inches of snow falls. This ordinance is so not enforced. However, I will say I did report some of my neighbors earlier this winter because I almost fell walking the dog and shortly thereafter their sidewalks were not only snow free, they had even been salted. Take that. So, the ordinance is enforced when people (like me) complain.

I live in a (very) conservative city. During the final block of my "run" I started wondering if my conservative city has one of those public profanity laws on the books. I need to investigate...and watch my mouth...otherwise, I could be totally f**ked.