Jenny get your gun?

As an urban dweller, crime should not phase me.

However, Grand Rapids is a pretty darn safe city. I personally don't know anyone who has been a victim of a random act of violence.

This weekend my false sense of security came crashing down around me. The house across the street and over two was broken in to on Sunday morning.

Scary stuff. Thankfully, no one was hurt and the homeowners seem to be doing well (they're the unfriendly Illinois people I wrote about in the "Won't You Be My Neighbor" entry. One would think this would have brought them out of their shells - but they're still walking around acting like they are better than everyone).

Me, on the other hand? Not so much.

I live alone. Granted, I have a dog but she's more likely to lick an intruder than attack one. However, she looks pretty fierce. Just seeing her in the window could deter potential intruders - especially those who fear German Shepherds.

What is a gal to do?

I suddenly had this flash - me walking down my stairs holding a gun as intruders try breaking in - just like Suzanne Sugarbaker in that episode of Designing Women where someone was trying to steal her pig (if you've never seen this show it is a must see - one of my all time faves!). Light bulb!

End result - Suzanne accidentally shot Anthony. A small voice inside told me I would accidentally shoot someone or myself. But, I still thought getting a gun was a brilliant idea. I've never even seen a gun in real life (except you know, at Wal-Mart, which is odd but whatever) and have always been anti-gun, but I just kept thinking about Suzanne Sugarbaker and how she just carried that gun around with her all the time. I shared this brilliant idea with my very rational  friend Rachael. She quickly put the kibosh on that. She's right and I know it but still - I was thinking a gun would be the way to go.

So I then mentioned getting an NRA sticker for my front door and back door. She said I would probably have to join the NRA to get a sticker and as a fairly liberal gal I just can't see myself writing a check over to whomever took over for Charleton Heston now that they really did have to pry his gun out of his "cold, dead hands"....though maybe he was buried with a gun? Wouldn't surprise me.

She did suggest (as a cost savings measure) trying to find an ADT or Brinks sign to put in the front yard. Actually not a bad idea....hmmm....I wonder if I could make one. "APT" or "Brocks" (wouldn't want to infringe copyright or anything). Probably wouldn't seem legit.

I mentioned Gracie the dog as a sort of "alarm system" when I am home. But what about all those times I travel? She stays with Grandma and Grandpa in the Detroit area. I am most fearful not of things being stolen but of someone breaking in, leaving a door or window open and Lucy and LuLu (the cats) running away while I am out of the state on a business trip or something. I mean, if a thief wants my broken iPod, my 200 pound television or my original Nintendo - have at it! I am sure there are plenty of people around me who at least have an Wii, a nice Macbook or flat screen tv.

So, I am thinking until Kate Spade starts making gun holsters I will probably avoid them all together (guns, not Kate Spade products). That being said...just to be safe...in that Designing Women episode I mentioned (titled "Full Moon" if you are interested) Suzanne told her friends she wanted to buy a gun. Like Rachael, they told her it was a terrible idea. In an effort to stop her, her friends would quietly murmur "don't buy a gun" every time she was around in the hope of delivering subliminal messages to her. In that case, it didn't work but they could have been on to something. So, next time you see me, do us both a favor and do the same for me. Just in case.